Maudlin
Catching myself randomly smiling over the past week.
I've never been particularly fond of generic well-wishing. But nowadays, I'm starting to appreciate that it is less about the message itself and more about the consideration behind it.
Across multiple timezones and across multiple years of being in different countries, to still bother remembering and even syncing up to my local timezone for timing -- that just made me really happy. Genuinely happy, even.
The regular counterexamples to my otherwise pessimistic and edgy model of social interaction.
I am a little surprised that the above had one unexpected person.
Nobody knows when their time will come, but I'm probably around a third to halfway there.
When I was very young, I thought it would be a waste to pass before learning more about how the world worked. Don't most people? So you aim for the frontier of your interests, and try to keep a rough idea of what goes on elsewhere. I think, with respect to software, I am mostly content now -- far from the edge, but close enough that it is within sight. The choice to focus on software was also mix of vanity and practicality; it is much easier there to make a long-lasting and wide-reaching impact with essentially no resources. I am very far from doing that, but it is plausible enough as far as dreams go. There is a broad class of programs that are not profitable to write, no matter how much social good they may do. So, hopefully, the decade (and perhaps beyond) in my near future can be spent doing exactly that. For now, though, I have other obligations, and so I will settle for helping random people on the internet sometimes. Hm. I've been answering random internet questions for over half a decade now.
So, LiveLeak bites the dust. I've never been an active viewer, but I've seen a couple of graphic videos and stills; being on the early internet will do that to you. The clearnet has cleaned up a lot in recent times. Back when I held stronger views, I used to believe that most people should be made to watch similar content to ground their perspective before complaining about life. But, mostly as a function of the better people in my life, I nowadays think that it is completely possible to be a good person without ever being cursed with that type of knowledge. Overall, the cleaning up is probably a good trend for society.
I used to think a lot about the concept of Chapter Black from YYH. If I had such a tape, would I watch it? More pertinently, would I spread it? Most people do not have strong convictions of their own, and I am no exception. In some ways, the internet has made many little tapes accessible -- most recently, the IP conflict is again resurfacing -- and the peanut galleries have already formed.
I think my recent poll on "what percentage of your income do you donate" was interesting. As I expected, most people do not donate any significant fraction of their disposable income -- the most common amounts are around zero to less than half a percent (< 1k). I would be very interested in understanding the life philosophy of anyone who donated more than, say, five percent of their income.
Reminds me of the GME fiasco. "What will you do if it moons?" The majority answer: more money into the investment account. The hedonic treadmill of life...
Approaching two decades of active practice in image control.
Mental health is something that I haven't really written about at length online before. Not quite in the mood now either, just that a suspected degree of bpd reasonably well-managed does have its upsides.
For everybody that you know, you only have a finite number of conversations and physical interactions remaining.
With some people, the number is high. With other people, the counter has already reached 0. For now, a simple life goal: be an amplifying mirror.
I really am grateful and lucky to have them in my life: friends who are friends simply to be friends.
Some things are worth making time for.